Susan Popoola
My parents were Nigerian. I say were because they have both passed away now. My mother passed away 11 years ago to this month, whilst my father died just under two years later with a photo of her in his wallet – even though they had been separated for over 20 years. When I indulge myself and romanticise I imagine that he was still in love with her and died of a broken heart.
It may be stereotyping, but when I mention this to some of my Nigerian friends they find his actions to be contrary to those of a typical Nigerian man. They point out that even when married, Nigerian man are more inclined to carry around photos of their children than of a photo of their wife.
Assuming that the stereotype describe does in some way reflect reality, maybe my father was just different – different because this is his nature or different because he spent numerous years living in England from the early 1960s to the later 1970s.
You see my parents like so many others Nigerians in the 1950s and 1960s came to England to study in 1961. Whilst here they had four children inclusive of yours truly and additionally my older siblings who originally resided in Nigeria were brought to England.
A number of the Nigerians that came to England during this era never went back and some of them have children who could only just point out Nigeria on a map. However, they have no concept of the language or cultural and feel no connection whatsoever to the country.
Others inclusive of my parents eventually went back taking the “British” children with them – typically in the 1970s and 80s. Some of the children settled in, in Nigeria and you would never know their backgrounds if you met them in one of the cities in Nigeria such as Lagos. For some they never settled in and it was inevitable that they would eventually come back to England for University, for work or some even in Secondary School. Of course there are also the inbetweeners who could happily live in either country.
Marriage also brought a new group of Nigerians to Britain. Those that beyond the connect via (the Briish) Empire had no other connection aside from that marriage to a British citizen of Nigerian origin. Then of course there are also the economic migrants.
You may wonder why I’m talking about this?
You see, whilst over the years there has been a drift of British Nigerians to Nigeria, over the recently recession years that has been something akin to a mass migration of people of Nigerian origin back to Nigeria. A key difference that I have, however, noticed with a lot of married couples is that whilst in past both partners would typically relocate to Nigeria, in more recent times one partner tends to relocate to work in Nigeria, whilst the other stays in the UK with the children. In fact, there was a point earlier this year that virtually ever week I would speak to someone of Nigerian origin who would mention the fact that their spouse had moved back to Nigeria. My question as to whether they also intended to relocate to Nigeria was often met with a degree of uncertainty that often left me wondering – would history repeat itself with British Nigerians? Children once more being relocated to Nigeria –. Some possibly better prepared having made visits and with an education on Nigerian culture from home together with interactions with Nigerians here in the UK, whilst many having no real understanding or concept of the culture
You may think it doesn’t matter, after all they are just children. However, I believe if does if it is not done with a sensitivity to a child’s developing culture, personality and sense of self.
Just pondering. #Selah
Susan
Susan Popoola runs a Human Resources Consultancy, Conning Towers Ltd. She is also the published author of a two books: “Touching The Heart of Milton Keynes: A Social Perspective” and Consequences: Diverse to Mosaic Britain”.
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Welcome to Africa on the blog Susan and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Incredibly this way of life where one part of the couple remains here whilst another returns to mother land for work has become all too common since the economic downturn started. The part of the family that has remained is supported by the salary of the person who works in Africa. Incredibly too some folk I know that live in Uganda permanently are buying properties in University cities in preparation of sending their children here for either their first or second degrees but have no wish of of moving here themselves. It is a fascinating turn of events for sure.
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Thank you Ida.
I totally agree with you about the trends. I used to believe it was something that was purely Nigerian, but it seems to be a much broader phenomenon.
I once more had the discussion over the trends over the weekend and there is no doubt that an economic need is being met. Of critical concern to me is the possible emotional and psychological impact the separations may have on the (young) child.
I read this last week and wanted to comment but only had the chance now. Great post and welcome Susan! I guess people have their reasons for going down the path of separating with one half of the couple back home and the other half remaining here. I do not think it is healthy for the relationship, but such is what people have to contend with if the placing back home is short term and especially with school age children. What a choice to have to make!
Incredible that you make a better living back home in support of life here Ida! Am I in the right place?
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Thanks Freedes
It is tough, but in fairness I do believe that more often than not the separations are made because the individuals concerned don’t believe they have any choice.
I think what can/does make the difference for the children is the explanation given to the child; the ongoing communication with the child (even from a distance – modern communication does allow for it); together with the quality time spent with the child when the parent that is normally away is around.
If the trend continues this may be a good thing for the Nigerian children born and raised in Britain. For one, they will learn of the culture and ways of life of their native country. They will not be alien to Nigeria and would probably tend to live there if the pull or the connection goes stronger. As to your mom’s photo in your dad’s wallet, I would bet he died gazing through it and probably thinking of the “what might have been.” It’s sad, though.
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Thanks Amy
I agree with you that it’s great for children of Nigerian origin do gain an understanding of their heritage. I think it’s the how and it’s risk to the child’s well being that is of concern to me.
As for my father – yes, that’s what the sentimental side of me believes as well
Interesting article indeed. I’ve seen many cases in which couples live in say Britain or the US and then move back to either of the two people’s country of origin only to find out that one of them isn’t comfortable there (mostly the women since they tend to be the ones to follow their husband to a country) and will return to the US or UK with their kids. But I think as the economy here becomes more and more shaky, we’ll be seeing a lot more couples separate for a chance at better opportunities (may it be a more stable job, cheaper schools for their kids or just cheaper childcare). I tend to see the men stay abroad and the woman and child stay back home to save money. I guess so many trends exist. It all depends on what each person is willing to sacrifice.