I have not written a post in a while and the reason is my Mother had a stroke on the 3rd January and life has changed since. Why am I saying this here if not for sympathy. Well after a lot of thought and a lot of questions from non Africans as to why my Mother’s illness was taking so much of my time I decided that it was relevant in this forum as being African is why it has changed my life so much.
She is still in hospital as we have had so many complications but -
-She has a home cooked meal twice a day
-She is washed the way she is used to everyday
- Her skin is moisturised everyday
-She has food that she is used to and makes her interested in eating
-She feels at home with family banter around her as she is used to
-Her hair is sorted in the right way
-She wears clothes that are familiar to her
I could go on but all the above makes life hard but keeps my Mother African and Black even when ill! I on the other hand, have to justify why I spend so much time with my Mother to friends and colleagues who do not get it.
In this unexpected journey, I have witnessed other cultures doing similar to their families. I have thought how hard it would be for many people to do what I do. I work for myself so I can take the time (not easily but I can work till 3am if I need to to make up what is lost in the day).
Anyone out there who has this issue but cannot put in the time due to work pressures?
Twitter: ethnicsupplies
says:
So sorry to hear that Sadia- but after last week’s headlines on how elderly folk (especially) are treated in some hospitals it doesn’t sound like you have much choice but to care for your mother the way that you do. She is lucky to have you!
Ida, after six months of watching how the elderly are treated I do not even think the report goes far enough!
I really loved what you wrote – I found it very moving to read how you were able to bring to your mother what was important for her in her life. I came across your blog quite by chance after spending my morning creating an African corner on the top of a bookshelf where years ago I had placed a large tortoise shell. We had found it in the Serengeti, bleached in the sun. In 1958 my father, an entomologist and biologist had taken my mother , older sister and myself on a trip to East Africa and driven us all round Lake Victoria. Today alongside the tortoise shell I placed a gourd with a beautiful geometric design, also brought back from that same trip. Then I found four of my father’s framed but still un-hung scrapper board drawings of rhinos and hung them on the three sides of the alcove. To look at my African alcove I have to look up to just below the ceiling. Then after I had read your blog I am not quite sure why but I went to the bookshelf and picked out a small unremembered book given to me in 1996 by a grateful social work student entitled Acts of Faith – Daily Meditations for People of Color by Iyanla Vanzant. I turned to today June 10th and at the top of th page it said “If you fall, fall on your back. If you can look up, you can get up”. Currently I am going through great sadness following the sudden and unexpected death of husband six months ago. After over forty two years of being together through many ups and downs I miss him so much in so many different ways. I am a white European woman and he was a Caribbean African, and though he had never been to Africa he was deeply interested in Africa and once described Africa to me as the most valuable real estate in the world.
My associations have taken me a long way from your blog Staying African in the NHS except that when I’m feeling down I’ll remember to look up!
Thank you
Sari, your reply is extremely moving and I can only extend my deepest sympathy to you. I feel humbled that something I wrote has had such an impact and makes me proud to be part of this forum even more. On Monday my mother had to be resuscitated and ended up in ITU for a few days. This time I knew all had been done and was ready for anything. She is no longer in ITU and the first thing she said when all marvelld at yet another recovery was ‘what do you expect? I am a black African woman!